What is the role of the cock in a female led relationship?

 

Tempting as it is to say that the very point of a female led relationship is that the cock has no role, the facts are quite otherwise. In fact, it is the training and subjugation of the cock and the man attached to it which is the focus of a dominant wife. How this is accomplished is a matter of style more than anything else but some basic concepts need to be top of the mind.

There are certainly some female led relationships in which a husband is turned into a fully feminized slave and while this does not appeal to me, it certainly has its advocates.  The whole gendre of transvestite transformation stories, Husband to Sissy for example have a wide readership. And there are plenty of tales of husbands who become slaves to their wives, I enjoyed Molly Sands trilogy, Stern. But here is the thing, most women, especially dominant women, do not want their husbands to be sissys or slaves; rather they want to have control over strong, masculine, admirable men.

It is a bit of a paradox. To dominate a soy boi, beta male might be fun for a day or two but it is not really challenging nor is it going to be very satisfying to bend a wimp to your will. At least I don't think so. When I tell elliot he has to wear a bra and girdle for a few days I know that he is torn between his masculine identity and his obedience to me. Over the years he has learned that submission is always better for him but that does not mean he likes having to wear pretty lingerie or lip gloss.

Which brings us around to the role of the cock in a female led relationship. A man's cock and the sexual desire it embodies is the key to controlling his attention, affection and sense of submission.  There is a saying, "I have the pussy so I make the rules," but, in fact, those rules are all predicated on a man's endless desire to gain some sort of access, no matter how indirect, to that pussy. If he is not interested he is not going to follow any of the rules.

 

 

Dominant women - and, really all women - are often astonished to discover how much time men spend pre-occupied with sex. Younger men will spend hours on porn sites, in bars, in clubs and online trying to find a girl or a fantasy, but older men are just as preoccupied even if they are not actually leaking sperm half the time. If a woman is able to control and then redirect that pre-occupation she is well on the way to leading her marriage or relationship.

Men are very basic. From the time they were little they were able to first play with and latter masturbate their cocks. As young men they had few restraints on the momentary pleasure their cocks could give whether with the delighted co-operation of a young lady or by taking matters into their own hands. I've know young, intelligent men who ejaculated five or six times a day. Bonobo monkeys and twenty two year old men have about the same sex drive.

An argument can be made that the arc of human history has been determined by the fact that female sexuality is cyclical with only a few days a month of peak sexual desire while male sexuality is continuous, always on and if a civil society is the objective, in need of firm control.

In the mythology of the Old West the saloon girls and whores advanced with the frontier but it was the school marm and the wives who closed that same frontier. (This, by the way, is why I have an abiding interest in Money Sex (a book which is free at Amazon at the moment).) What the wives and school marms actually did was change the dynamic so that, instead of paying for sex on a transactional basis, men who married could have sex in exchange for "providing" and for being decent members of their community.

 

In a sense, women have been making that bargain since the beginning of time and in every instance, a wife or girlfriend uses her sexuality to gain at least nominal control over her husband or boyfriend's sexuality. The pussy engulfs the cock and the cock's owner becomes, at least marginally, submissive to her needs and desires.

In even the most vanilla marriages wives will often reward their husbands with a quick blow job or a bit of bedroom dress up in return for a job well done or a promotion at work. But note the dynamic, the wife controls the blow job. She decides the reward. Implicitly, if a wife is making those sorts of decisions she is beginning to take charge of her marriage overall.

Taming and training a cock could stop right at the "reward" blow job and for many couples it does. However, for some couples, the next step in cock control is no more complicated than a wife refusing to have sex with her husband except when she is "in the mood".  Again, not a huge step but one which changes the whole male, cock driven, sexual dynamic.

At the same time, a clever wife "suggests" to her husband that he should "save" his ejaculations so they can enjoy them together. This is the thin end of the chastity wedge. Men are remarkably proud of their ability to make little messes and if a wife can make her husband's masturbation something she controls - and this is easy as having him soil a tissue before he goes to work a couple of times a week becomes a ritual of control which he'll enjoy - then she is taking away his power to play with his cock as he feels like it. [Note: for men who would like their wives to be more dominant, proposing to your wife that you not be allowed to masturbate unsupervised will speed that process along without worrying your wife too much about the broader implications.)

Once a wife has taken control over her husband's ejaculations she has, for all intents and purposes, become the sexually dominant partner. The cock in the marriage has surrendered its autonomy. Where a wife goes from there is entirely up to her. She may want to leave the dynamic right there and enjoy the fruits of her acknowledged sexual superiority or she may want to extend the scope of her dominion.

 

While the honour system is lovely for chaste husbands, the temptation to "cheat" is significant. Putting the cock in a cage and keeping the key will confirm a cock's obedience. I have come around to the view that a female led marriage without a chastity cage is possible but that the ongoing symbolism of a locked cock reminds a man of his place.

My own sense is that a female led marriage or relationship works best when a man has had his sexual autonomy entirely eliminated. It is great fun to watch elliot in the summertime, when he is not required to wear his cock cage, and has theoretical control over his own little cock. He is so well conditioned and trained that even when Mady or I tease him - which we do a lot - he will come and stay erect for hours and never think of actually touching his cock without my permission. He is, indeed, a well tempered husband.